Spiritual Vitality During Times of Distress

“There are depths in the sea which the storms that lash the surface into fury never reach. They who reach down into the depths of life where, in the stillness, the voice of God is heard, have the stabilizing power which carries them poised and serene through the hurricane of difficulties.” ~Spencer W. Kimball

In order to maintain your spiritual vitality and stability while creating positive generational change, prayer and scripture study are vital elements
in coming to understand God and how to access His power to help you through adversity,

Then, you feel of His love, and your faith grows.
And exercising FAITH in God IS the power that changes everything!

Join our TODAY’s ChangeMaker Movement by Joining the Quest at www.FamilyTreeQuest.com

 

 

 

 

Reference:
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1973/10/the-rewards-the-blessings-the-promises?lang=eng 

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

emotional vitality tip of the day on white tile-like background

3 Significant Reasons Writing in a Journal Elevates Emotional Health

More than documenting events, like a diary, I’ve used my journals to record and work through my feelings. I’ve discovered 3 significant benefits of journaling that can help anyone who is serious about learning from the past, and not staying stuck in it. (Which is one of the 3 Guiding Purposes of men and women who are on a Family Tree Quest to help, and not hurt, themselves or others while creating positive growth.)  In order to create that growth, journaling can be an enormous tool to help one move forward–in spite of obstacles.

3 reasons journaling can help you elevate your emotional health are these:

Journaling your thoughts can help you:
1) Regain perspective and a feeling of emotional grounding quickly
2) Clarify what you’re feeling and why
3) Move through (process) the emotions that could easily distract or side-swipe you and keep you stuck so you can respond proactively, rather than reactively,

Journaling, the JOURNALriffic way, Is a powerful tool to help you find productive solutions within yourself and in your most meaningful relationships in the shortest amount of time, so a plan of action then becomes clear that helps you move forward with whatever decision you make or conclusion you reach.

When you see your own thoughts in writing, you can begin to see patterns in yourself and in relationships, so you can more easily make self-corrections, or have the needed conversations with others to improve relationships, etc.

As the author of JOURNALriffic–Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery, I developed the JOURNALriffic Method from a pattern that has worked for me through many years of some of my life’s most difficult trials.  I am well-acquainted with blighted hopes, shattered dreams and unfulfilled desires both individually and with my family’s circumstances, yet I’ve learned to be positive and happy by choice.  I’ve also dealt with lingering physical challenges and constant pain as a result of three car accidents.  Although I’ve faced times of extreme disappointment and much of my life hasn’t turned out like I planned, I continue to find solutions to challenges, and I still love my life because I stay engaged in the process of creating a happy one.

With JOURNALriffic, you too, can address thoughts as they come up as a result of your present experiences.  This way, you do not pull your past into your present moments and project it into the future.  The idea is to work through your emotions and challenges and consistently work toward turning your weaknesses into strengths so you can enjoy your life.  You will come to understand who you really are in light of the truth that no matter your past choices or experiences, you are not your history.  You will begin to clearly see that you create your life in your present moments.  Each day is a new beginning and holds countless opportunities for enjoyment, peace and the satisfying rewards of unselfish love.

If you are looking for a tool to help you create positive generational change so that trauma and distress are not passed forward, you’ve found it!

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day

Use JOURNALriffic- Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery to help you turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction, to hope, direction, happiness and peace.  Get your copy today!

ReNEW YOU free presentations, class trainings and coaching are available to you, too.
CLICK HERE to see the full range of support that has been prepared with YOU in mind!

*****
Disclosure of Material Connection:  In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the author of JOURNALriffic, and I’m an affiliate of Amazon. I am also the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

emotional vitality tip of the day on dark blue background

Navigating Your Emotions Using JOURNALriffic

JOURNALriffic is a powerful tool to help you leave your life story better than you found it–especially if you have experienced childhood or adult relationship trauma or distress–including divorce, your own or in your family line.

Have you tried the JOURNALriffic Method to navigate your emotions in a proactive, rather than reactive, manner, and conserve your emotional energy as you settle issues quickly in your mind?

Integrating the JOURNALriffic Method, called the 4 Steps of Discovery, into your daily routine will help you become grounded in new habits that bring positive results.  You can generate increased desires to live in more complete alignment with your intrinsic, inner worth—even if you’ve made poor or destructive choices in the past.  The steps can help you develop qualities that will allow you to strengthen and improve your relationships with others.  They will help you discover and reframe any negative thought, habit and belief patterns that do not serve your best and highest good.  If you have had severe challenges, you will be actively engaging your power of personal choice to help and not hurt yourself and others.

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day

Use JOURNALriffic- Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery to help you turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction, to hope, direction, happiness and peace.  Get your copy today!

ReNEW YOU free presentations, class trainings and coaching are available to you, too.

CLICK HERE to see the full range of support that has been prepared with YOU in mind!

*****
Disclosure of Material Connection:  In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the author of JOURNALriffic, and I’m an affiliate of Amazon. I am also the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

emotional vitality tip of the day on white tile-like background

JOURNALriffic- Things You’ll Love!

There is so much to love about the JOURNALriffic guided method of journaling- especially if you have experienced the ripple effects of divorce, mistreatment, addiction or abuse.

As you put the JOURNALriffic Method, called the 4 Steps of Discovery, into action, you’ll form a habit of writing that will help you gain clarity regarding your present circumstances.  You’ll also be better equipped to recognize the next best steps to take as you continue moving forward.  Your habits of self-reflection can help you respond differently to your most upsetting emotional triggers  You may find yourself responding better to conflict, or you might notice less and less negative self-talk.  You may even be developing more patience and be able to see things from another person’s point of view while remaining secure with having and expressing your own point of view.  It becomes exciting to take the proactive stance of strengthening your character by incorporating universal principles.  You may also be thrilled to consistently increase your positive influence for good as you watch the undeniable ripple-effect of your simple choice to take the time to work through any roadblocks.

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day

Use JOURNALriffic- Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery to help you turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction, to hope, direction, happiness and peace.  Get your copy today!

ReNEW YOU free presentations, class trainings and coaching are available to you, too.

CLICK HERE to see the full range of support that has been prepared with YOU in mind!

*****
Disclosure of Material Connection:  In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the author of JOURNALriffic, and I’m an affiliate of Amazon. I am also the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

emotional vitality tip of the day on seafoam green background

Styles of Journal Writing. Which is Best for You?

The kinds of journals people keep are many and varied.  They include gratitude journals, poetry journals, reading journals, journals written by topic, family journals, nature journals, personal development journals, meditation and devotion journals and more.

There are different styles of journal keeping that range from more traditional writing to writing in creative journals, complete with pictures and art.  Choose any type of blank journal you like.  There is a large selection of journals on the market.  You can also choose blank books or create your own journal from a binder or spiral bound notebook.  If you like art, you can decorate your own cover, but what’s really important is what you write inside.

The JOURNALriffic method of journal-keeping sets itself apart from the rest.  With JOURNALriffic you will have, at your fingertips, a guided-journaling method to use when you want to conserve your emotional energy and settle an issue quickly in your mind. You will be following universal principles that govern happy relationships instead of staying stuck in criticism, blame, shame, stress or anxiety.  Use it when you know that you don’t know what to do next as well as when you want to easily keep a daily record of your life as TODAY’s ChangeMaker—one who desires to elevate your thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns in order to help, and not hurt, yourself and others.

Daily journal writing, the JOURNALriffic way leads to

  • Less stress
    • Healthier relationships
    • Confidence
    • Positive self-development
    • Clarity of your life’s purpose
    • Greater peace of mind

JOURNALriffic guided-journaling is a perfect match for the needs of those who have experienced the ripple effects of divorce, mistreatment, addiction or abuse.

There are so many reasons to write in your journal.  What suits your purposes, and which is best for you?

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day

Use JOURNALriffic- Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery to help you turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction, to hope, direction, happiness and peace.  Get your copy today!

*****
Disclosure of Material Connection:  In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the author of JOURNALriffic, and I’m an affiliate of Amazon.

 

 

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

I Owe All Things to God

My mother, now deceased, is precious to me and very dear to my heart.  Her maiden name was Greenhalgh.

While reading the personal history of one of my relatives, I remembered what was written in Latin on the Greenhalgh Family Coat of arms.

“I owe all things to God.”

Thankfully, that is something my mother taught me to see and recognize and appreciate throughout my life.

I have learned through my own experience that I do–owe all things to God, that is.  His grace, mercy and guidance have sustained me.  It’s because of Him that I can even draw my breath each day.  It’s because of Him I have eyes to see, ears to hear, and so much more. The inscription on that coat of arms fills me with joy because I sense the truth of the statment.  It helps me know I am anchored to ancestors that appreciated the goodness of God, and it inspires me to want to know more about their personal stories of trials an triumph.

Do you have an inscription on a Family Coat of Arms or a statement of purpose for your family now?

Today’s Spiritual Vitality Tip:  Take time to ponder how YOU owe all things to God.  Write your thoughts in your journal, or share your thoughts with a loved one.

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Need help healing heartache in yourself, your family or family lines?  CLICK HERE.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

emotional vitality tip of the day on white tile-like background

Are you angry, afraid or ashamed?

Are you sometimes downright angry, afraid or ashamed?

Try this ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day.

Write in a journal to give your feelings a voice.  There is no need to deny or repress what you truly feel when you write it on paper or type it on a computer.

Once expressed use the JOURNALriffic Method—the 4 Steps of Discovery.  You will be able to choose for yourself how to move through your emotions toward solutions in a proactive, rather than reactive manner.

I developed the JOURNALriffic Method from a pattern that has worked for me through many years of some of my life’s most difficult trials.  I am well-acquainted with blighted hopes, shattered dreams and unfulfilled desires both individually and with my family’s circumstances, yet I’ve learned to be positive and happy by choice.  I’ve also dealt with lingering physical challenges and constant pain as a result of three car accidents.  Although I’ve faced times of extreme disappointment and much of my life hasn’t turned out like I planned, I continue to find solutions to challenges, and I still love my life because I stay engaged in the process of creating a happy one.

With JOURNALriffic, you will address thoughts as they come up as a result of your present experiences.  The idea is to work through your emotions and challenges and consistently work toward turning your weaknesses into strengths and enjoying your life.  You will come to understand who you really are in light of the truth that no matter your past choices or experiences, you are not your history.  You will begin to clearly see that you create your life in your present moments.  Each day is a new beginning and holds countless opportunities for enjoyment, peace and the satisfying rewards of unselfish love.

Dr. Ronald Newsom gets right to the bottom line of defining your true identity when he says, “You are a good, unique person, endowed by your Creator, with sovereign [self-governing] power to act as a free, independent agent.”1

You have the intrinsic, God-given power to act and not be acted upon.  With the help of JOURNALriffic, you will learn to use that power to move quickly through the process of aligning your thoughts, feelings and actions with your innate, individual worth.  By doing so, you will ignite the proactive power within you which ignites the power of generations and provides far-reaching benefits.  As you stay actively engaged in leaving your life story better than you found it, your doubts, insecurities, limitations and fears will diminish.  You can proceed with vigor on the path that enables you to contribute your positive influence to the lives of those around you in your present moments.

It is my hope that you will benefit from this method of journaling so that you can extend your positive influence toward others in such a way that you will feel great satisfaction while taking deliberate action steps to experience more joy as you proactively create lasting happiness.

Use JOURNALriffic- Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery to help you turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction, to hope, direction, happiness and peace.

***
1Newsom, Dr. Ronald. Life, Liberty, Happiness: Rediscovering Your True Identity. n.p. April 2013. Print

Disclosure of Material Connection:  In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the author of JOURNALriffic, and I’m an affiliate of Amazon.

 

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

“Let It Go”

Spiritual Vitality Tip of the Day:  Learn to FORGIVE

“On a cold February night in 2007, a devoted father of four and a seventeen-year-old drunk driver both received life sentences.  In one violent, devastating instant, both faced a drastically different–and uncertain–future.  But as Chris Williams sat in his demolished vehicle, staring at the car that had just caused the death of his wife, his unborn baby, his eleven-year-old son, and his nine-year-old daughter, he committed to do something extraordinary:  he would forgive.”

Let It Go, A True Story of Tragedy and Forgiveness, by Chris Williams, is an amazing book about a healing journey.  If you are seeking healing or are working on forgiving others, this book is for you!  We highly recommend it.

Chris Williams states, “I had no idea who had just hit us, and my mind didn’t think to consider if they were all right or not, or what circumstances might have caused them to cross the median and strike us.  I simply looked at the car in silence.  Then I heard a voice that was not my own in my mind as clearly as if it had come from someone seated next to me.  It was straightforward and filled with power, and the voice said, ‘Let it go!'”

At the end of his book, Chris Williams asks a powerful question, “What burden could you lay at the Lord’s feet, today, that He might be allowed to work miracles in your life?”

Need help learning to think and act with positive intent in spite of the circumstances you encounter?  CLICK HERE to see what’s available to you.

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Some links in this post are affiliate links.

The information contained on this website is educational in nature and is provided only as general information. The information presented on this website is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease or psychological disorder. The information herein is not a substitute for medical or psychological treatment. Any stories or testimonials presented on this website do not constitute a warranty, guarantee, or prediction regarding outcomes for any particular issue. While all materials and links to other resources are posted in good faith, the accuracy, validity, effectiveness, completeness, or usefulness of any information herein or from an affiliate cannot be guaranteed. The founders of healingyourfamily.com accept no responsibility or liability whatsoever for the use or misuse of information contained on this website. We strongly advise that you seek professional advice, as appropriate, before making any health decision.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton

emotional vitality tip of the day on seafoam green background

Step Out of Your Sorrow and Pain. Use JOURNALriffic.

Step out of your sorrow and pain

Whatever your circumstance, not one of us has been exempt from experiencing sorrow as well as happiness and pain as well as pleasure.  Reflecting on your life’s experiences and choosing to consistently write in your journal about the good times will help preserve the sweetness, fun, thrill, adventure and excitement in life.

On the flip side, making conscious efforts to turn your pain into your purpose as TODAY’s ChangeMaker is more challenging in many ways, yet it is a worthy goal that I’m prepared to help you implement.

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day

By using the JOURNALriffic™ 4 Steps of Discovery as a guide, you will be taking the steps needed to create and maintain positive, life-enhancing change in your life.  You can use your journal as your own form of history-in-the-making.  It can become a written record of your commitment and efforts to leave life better than you found it.

These steps will enable you to emotionally process your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, actions, values and beliefs in order to see the interactions, patterns and events of your life clearly.  With clarity, you are perfectly positioned to choose the best course of action for yourself.  You will use your inner wisdom as a guide for making better and better decisions in your present moments—while allowing your guiding purpose as TODAY’s ChangeMaker to propel you forward.

The JOURNALriffic Method, called the 4 Steps of Discovery, will help you zero in more specifically on those things you want to improve upon, so you can leave a living legacy of rising above obstacles in order to create positive growth in this generation.

Use JOURNALriffic- Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery to help you turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction, to hope, direction, happiness and peace. Get your copy TODAY!

*****
Disclosure of Material Connection:  In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the author of JOURNALriffic, and I’m an affiliate of Amazon.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Prison bar background to header that says, "Are You In The Prison of Unforgiveness?"

Unforgiveness: The Prison of Unforgiveness

Let’s talk about unforgiveness–not forgiving others–and it’s consequence to you.

Are You In the Prison of Unforgiveness?

Forgiving is the way to not let the past hold you prisoner to your own pain. Today, we’ll consider this question, “Are you holding yourself hostage in the prison of unforgiveness?:

Holding on to anger, bitterness, hatred and feelings of vengeance is like YOU drinking poison yourself and expecting the OTHER person to die.  It just isn’t a good thing to do because it backfires!

False Ideas, Cleverly Disguised

Feeling justified in not forgiving someone feeds the false idea of having power OVER someone else, and is so cleverly disguised that you think you are NOT the one getting hurt.  You may never in a million years even consider that you are only hurting yourself because your blame of someone else for your own pain keeps you blinded to the role your own thoughts and feelings play.

Blame and Unforgiveness Are Connected

In the article, Blaming Others: Hurts You More Than It Hurts Them , Holly Brown, LFMT says, “Don’t get me wrong.  Sometimes other people are to blame.  Sometimes you are completely and totally and utterly correct in thinking that it’s someone else’s fault.

But once you’ve tried to get them to see that and failed, once they refuse to take responsibility, or if you are habitually blaming others rather than formulating a solution–then what?

The problem with blaming others is that it can often leave you powerless.  For example, you confront the person (your boss, your spouse, your parent, your child), and they say, “No, I didn’t,” or worse, “So what if I did?”, then you’re left with all this anger and hurt and no resolution.

All your feelings are legitimate.  It’s important to feel them fully, and then move on.  Nursing your grievances indefinitely is a bad habit, because (as the title goes) it hurts you more than it hurts them.

…  It is true that living well is the best revenge, and if you’re fanning the flames of your anger toward others for long periods of time, then you’re certainly not living well.”

Can you see the truth in what she says?

Ossie

Photo of Ossie, a Holocaust survivor, dressed in gray slacks with a maroon sweater.

In 2016, I was privileged to speak with a Holocaust survivor named Ossie, for about ½ hour, just the two of us. As we talked, with riveted attention, I soaked in his experiences but mostly absorbed, straight into my heart, some of the lessons he learned through that atrocious experience.  The most memorable to me was the fact that he saw many fellow survivors after the war.  He said the ones who did not forgive were eaten up inside themselves with hatred.  They were consumed with anger and rage, and stayed that way.  Those who forgave went on to live more productive lives.  It was apparent that Ossie had forgiven.

Sharing the Lesson of Forgiveness vs Unforgiveness

Ossie’s first-hand perspective about a principle I already knew to be true, impacted me so much, that, later in the day, after his presentation to High School Students, I asked him to share what he learned about forgiveness with my oldest grandson—hoping that that powerful life lesson from a Holocaust survivor might continue have an impact through the generations in my own family.  The ripple effect of his sharing this powerful life lesson will continue to ripple though many lives—the lives of each student, teacher, or loved one in attendance that day—especially if those stories are written in journals, to be remembered after life gets busy and hectic and things are easily forgotten.

Oprah

Photo of Oprah Winfrey having one of her famous "AH HA" moments.

Oprah Winfrey is a notable public figure whose own eyes were opened to facets of forgiveness she had not thought about before.  Viewed by the world as highly successful, she has been innovative, hard-working and influential which led to her achieving the distinction of being a billionaire.

Whether you agree with her points of view or not, her life story carries within it a particularly poignant example of rising above the odds. Personally, I am an advocate of not judging a person’s life by the chapter I happened to walk in on.  We all have our own sorrow, pains and things we’ve overcome and are still overcoming.  In that spirit, I’d like to share some powerful things Oprah had to say about her transcendent moment and paradigm shift relating to the concept of forgiveness.

Oprah’s Difficult Life Challenges

As a matter of background and according to the Internet Movie Database, Oprah was born to a teenage mother, was raised in abject poverty partially by her grandmother, and she was raped at the age of 9 by a 19-year-old cousin who was babysitting her. She was also sexually abused by a family friend, her mother’s boyfriend, and her uncle. When she was just 14, she gave birth to a baby boy who died after 2 weeks due to complications of being born 2 months premature.

She had a lot in her life that could have held her back, and she had a lot to forgive.  In one of Oprah’s Life Classes on the Oprah Winfrey Network, she said this, “After 25 years and more than 30,000 guests, … it was one man’s definition of forgiveness that changed my life. In her interview, she said, ‘Harold, you mentioned that the secret to really finding true happiness is forgiveness. What do you mean by that?’  Harold responded, ‘It really means letting go of the past.  It really means letting go of our perception that we need to hold a grievance the rest of our lives. If we really want to hold on to grievances, we’ll never really be happy. It’s really a willingness to see the person in the light of love rather than in the action that happened.  So, it’s really changing the perception, and it really means LETTING GO OF THE PAST THAT WE THOUGHT WE WANTED. You know, we can’t really change that past, so it means really releasing the negative perception of it and coming back to the present. [Hold on until you see how this affected Oprah]

Oprah’s Transcendent Moment

Oprah then said, ‘that was a transcendent moment for me. Bigger even than an Ah Ha. He said, FORGIVENESS IS GIVING UP THE HOPE THAT THE PAST COULD BE ANY DIFFERENT.  I think for myself, and I know many of you, you think forgiving means accepting what has happened to you.  Well, it is accepting that it HAS happened to you, not accepting that it was okay for it to happen, it is accepting that it HAS happened, and now, what do I do about it.  Forgiving is giving up the hope, not holding on, hoping, wishing that it could have been any other way than it actually was. Giving up the hope that the past could be any different. And, when I got that, I think it took me to the next level of being a better person because I don’t hold grudges for ANYTHING or any situation! And neither should you. It’s letting go so that the past does not hold YOU prisoner—does not hold YOU hostage.

Watch on YouTube by clicking here.

Oprah is known to have said,
“The best advice touches the part of you that knows it’s true.”

Can you feel the truth of these statements about forgiveness?

The past CANNOT be changed-no matter how much you spend your time and energy wishing it could.  It cannot be different.  It is what it is.

Tyler Perry, shares this.
“When you haven’t forgiven those who’ve hurt you, you turn your back against your future.
When you do forgive, you start walking forward.”

Forgiveness is the way and means by which we do not pull the past into our present moments and project it into the future. It is one significant way we free ourselves from living in bondage to our emotional pain. -Carolyn Calton

Forgiving Can Be Hard

Remember that sometimes you need help outside yourself.  Reach up.  Look toward heaven.

Jesus Christ made possible both repenting (obtaining a change of mind and heart) and being forgiven. He also can empower us to forgive others. God has the power to help you rise above your own perceived capacity to forgive—even with things that sometimes appear unforgivable. I know I have been helped by Him as I have called upon Him in prayer.  He has the power to help you see forgiveness in a different light, if you desire it.

Following God’s laws is what brings happiness, true security and inner peace. Don’t let unforgiveness stand in the way of true happiness and satisfaction at the deepest levels of your soul. Be sure to take care of not only the physical and emotional parts of your “self”, but the spiritual as well. Access the help you need to increase your spiritual vitality and learn to live in harmony with who you really are..

Three Questions Worth Considering

1) Is unforgiveness (a lack of forgiving others) affecting the harmony you could have within yourself, and in that way entangling you and derailing your thinking into unproductive efforts that subtly affect your inner worth, overall?
2) Who do you need to forgive?
3) What will you do with this knowledge?

Turn Your Pain Into Purpose

I’d like to remind you that you might benefit from journaling your thoughts as you process any uncomfortable, yet life-freeing emotions. The JOURNALriffic Method of Journal writing may help you turn your emotional pain into purpose.

Writing out your thoughts on paper or typing them on the computer can help you see clearly and understand what your hurt is all about. It can also help you find the life-changing, sustainable, principle-centered solutions you seek in order to be happy. Turn your back on being stuck in ruminating thoughts about your emotional pain and its cause. Take a step in the right direction. Integrate journal-writing and journal keeping into your emotional health routine today.

YOU are TODAY’s ChangeMaker!

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we must proactively free ourselves from the prison of unforgiveness. We are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our lives as well as those stemming from our families of origin. That includes any situations in the past or in spite of what may be occurring in our life or in our family now.

Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families.  We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Check out my class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live according to the principles that govern happiness in yourself and in your relationships.  This excerpt has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Class.  Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart.

CLICK HERE to see all free presentations and class offerings.

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Disclosure of material connection: I am the author of JOURNALriffic -Turn Your Pain Into Purpose.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.